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                            巧用排比增“顏值”

                            來源:創新作文發布時間:2017-11-07瀏覽數:324
                            林 野
                                排比之法,用以敘述,則清晰深刻;用以描寫,則形象生動;用以抒情,則情深意濃;用以說理,則鞭辟入里。運用排比修辭手法,句式工整,內涵豐富,語氣連貫,可以增添語言的氣勢美,可以構建形式的整齊美,可以打造文章的層次美。
                                因此,巧用排比,會讓我們的作文“顏值”高、形象美,讓人一見傾心。
                                一、運用排比,拓展內容在行文中,尤其是在進行概括性描述的過程中,我們不妨運用排比句來拓展內容,豐富內涵,凸顯主旨。請看下面的學生佳作《你是“奇葩”,讓我記住了你》:
                                在計算有理數的時候,要有數學直覺;在孜孜不倦研究幾何時,要有空間想象力;在深入思考復雜的應用題時,要有克服難點的膽識和穩健的判斷。可正確答案永遠只有一個,你在苦思冥想之中,不知是否有過放棄的念頭呢?
                                這段文字運用排比句式,概括描述,傳神展現了“你”的聰慧與執著,給人留下深刻的印象。
                                二、妙用排比,連綴文章在行文中,我們可以反復詠嘆,前后呼應,構成排比,使得文章結構明晰,層次分明,文意凸顯。下面,請看學生佳作中的三個獨立的排比段:
                                一路上有你,我的人生才會有依靠;一路上有你,我的生活才會有希望;一路上有你,愛未停歇,我在你的愛中延續……——《濃濃的情意》
                                一次善舉,可以照亮世界;一顆善心,可以傳遞快樂;一句善言,可以溫暖人心。——《陌生人的善意》
                                回望來時的路,我整顆心都會波瀾不驚,原來,寧靜是那么美好;回望來時的路,我整顆心都會熱血沸騰,原來,激情是那么重要;回望來時的路,我整顆心都會意氣風發,原來,夢想是那么重要。——《回望來時的路》
                                三個整齊的排比段,上下勾連,氣韻生動,意蘊豐富,精美動人。
                                三、活用排比,設計首尾巧用排比開頭,整篇作文就如“春云初展,鮮花含露”,能叫人“一見鐘情”;結尾時用排比收束全文,可以凸顯題旨,使作文“余音繞梁,三日不絕”。如學生佳作《心中有愛》,開頭是這樣的:“父愛燦若銀河,星星點點,灑落心間;父愛香似繁花,絲絲縷縷,沁人心田;父愛暖如冬陽,溫暖心靈。”結尾是這樣的:“心中有愛,幸福如花;心中有愛,溫暖如春;心中有愛,芬芳永駐。”此文開頭采用比喻和排比的修辭手法,文采飛揚、氣勢磅礴,既總領全文,又精美生動,具有較強的吸引力。結尾亦采用比喻和排比修辭手法,緊扣文題,照應開頭,點明主旨,升華中心,情韻悠長,余味無窮。

                            【優秀范文】
                            有你,真好
                            譚思語

                                河流因為有了雨露,才能匯聚成海洋;花叢因為有了蜂蝶,才能生機盎然;而我因為你的愛,才得以快樂地成長。
                                失落時,你是耳畔的一聲鼓勵。
                                坐在沙丘上,我仰望天空,月光被烏云遮擋了,星斗也鉆進了那厚厚的云層,沒有蟲鳴鳥叫,也沒有風兒的笑聲,一切都是那么靜,我不由得打了個寒戰,雙手緊緊地抱住了膝蓋,不爭氣的淚水又流了下來,腦海再次被那冷冰冰的考試分數填滿。你來了,走得很輕,我聽不見你的腳步聲,直到你給我披上外套,緩緩坐在我的身旁,將我摟入懷中,我才驚覺。你溫柔地問:“怎么?還在想考試的事?”我機械地點點頭,不敢再看你的眼睛。“放心吧!一切都會過去的,你不是常說明天會更好嗎?相信自己。”說完,你露出一個美麗的微笑,是鼓勵,也是要求,讓我頓時充滿信心。
                                寒風襲來時,你是一道堅實的屏障。
                                冬天,美麗的雪花自由地在空中起舞,我隨著它們的拍子,在雪地上跳出幸福的舞蹈,一陣寒風吹過,我的小手被凍得僵硬,那烏紫的顏色讓我心中一陣戰栗,寒冷頓時將快樂一掃而光。忽然,一雙大手包住了我凍僵的小手,一絲絲暖意通過血液流進了我的心底。你不停地搓著我的雙手,給我暖手。當我的手變暖時,你笑了,是那樣的幸福與滿足。
                                迷失方向時,你是一盞指路的明燈。
                                火紅的太陽高掛在天空中,我滿臉興奮地拿著雪糕沖到你的面前,“怎么這么高興?買一支雪糕就能讓你這么滿足啊!”你笑盈盈地看著我說。我滿臉神秘地將手中的錢遞到你手上:“我用10元錢去買雪糕,那服務員卻找給我18元。”你的表情漸漸變得嚴肅,雙眼流露出銳利的光,好像在告訴我:“做人要誠實。”你把多找的錢還給了那家店主,也給我上了一堂深刻的教育課。此后,誠實在我心中扎根。
                                因為你的愛,我充滿了自信;因為你的愛,我獲得了溫暖;因為你的愛,我的天空一片蔚藍。你就是我生命中的一縷陽光,讓我更加茁壯成長,謝謝你——我的好母親。

                            ◆湖北松滋市南海中學

                            【點評】
                              本文緊扣“愛”展開,選取三個事例,生動敘寫母愛給予“我”自信與溫暖,教育“我”誠信守禮,鮮明凸顯母愛的偉大。文章以“失落時,你是耳畔的一聲鼓勵”“寒風襲來時,你是一道堅實的屏障”“迷失方向時,你是一盞指路的明燈”這三個句子領銜,使得文章布局精美,層次分明。文章最為突出的亮點就是在行文中采用邊敘邊議的方式,使中心鮮明突出。尤其是首尾巧用排比,使得文章亮點紛呈,分外出彩。另外,文章語言飽含深情,融情于敘,寓情于景,把母愛寫得具體可感,觸手可及,讓讀者思緒萬千,意猶未盡!

                            【動手練一練】
                                1.請在下面橫線上補充句子,使之構成排比句,使得文意的表達更加靈動鮮活。
                                菜地里的蔥一行一行的,排列得很整齊很好看。到了夜晚,它們就把月光排列成一行一行;到了早晨,               ;到了冬天,              。那些愛寫田園詩的秀才們看見了,就學著蔥的做法,                                       
                                2.請你借鑒下面段落的句式仿寫一段心理活動。
                                我不知道為什么家里的人要將我送進書塾里去了,而且還是全城中稱為最嚴厲的書塾。也許是因為拔了何首烏毀了泥墻罷,也許是因為將磚頭拋到間壁的梁家去了罷……都無從知道。總而言之:我將不能常到百草園了。Ade,我的蟋蟀們!Ade,我的覆盆子們和木蓮們!

                            【參考答案】
                                1.它們就把露珠排列成一行一行;它們就把雪排列成一行一行;把文字排列成一行一行。
                                2.我不知道同學們在畢業合影時為何要在攝影師的強烈示意下才擠出一絲笑容,而且還充滿無限的悲苦。也許是昨日的驪歌還回蕩在耳畔吧,也許是學友留戀的筆記還未曾寫完吧,也許是舍不得相伴三年的恩師吧……都無從知道。總而言之:我將不能常到南中校園了。Ade,我的南中校園!Ade,我的學友們和老師們!

                            (選自《創新作文》初中版2017年第7期“爭分秘笈”欄目)

                             

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